melt my heart....

My sweet Kayla posted this on facebook a few weeks ago. Every mom in the world deserves to hear words like these from their children (especially the teenage variety). I'm one lucky mom, and even though I have my bad days this is exactly why I get up every morning...

you are the best mom in the world. 'nough said. you influence me for the better. you modivate me and encourage me to strive for goals higher than what i think i'm capable of. you make me turn my bad choices into better ones so i can make it in life. you give me strength and virtue. you are the best examle i wish to follow. i am very lucky to have a mommy like you. i love you mom.

Oh Happy Day!

If I've learned one thing it's this... blog about it and all the plans will change!
Baby Zachary joined our family a little earlier than we were planning. Oh happy day... he's here!

* He arrived March 21st (3/21 at 3:21 p.m.). He weighed 5lbs. 1/2oz. and was 18" long. *
He was born at 34.4 weeks

My sweet boy spent 11 days in the nicu... I guess I had it in my head that all of the tough stuff would end when the pregnancy was finally over... I was wrong. Baby Zach was about 24 hours old when his left lung collapsed. He was one tough little guy through the whole thing. The doctors let him work through it for about 8 hours to see if the lung would repair on it's own, but it didn't and in went the chest tube. The toughest part was not being able to hold our little baby while the chest tube was in... six incredibly looooong days. To my surprise I showed up one morning and the chest tube was gone along with the oxygen. The nurse asked me if I wanted to hold him and I just started sobbing (happy, relieved tears of course). If there was one thing I learned; babies can get sick really fast, but they can also get better quickly too. We went from him possibly coming home around Easter to him coming home in a few days... April 1st to be exact.

Lessons learned:

• I am so in love with this little guy.
• My sweet husband has an amazingly strong side I hadn't witnessed before.
• I NEVER want to have a c-section ever again.
• 3 months in bed = achy, sore muscles that don't want to work like they should.
• How quickly I forgot about the 3 previous months once I held little Zachary.
• How grateful I was for the couples who brought me the sacrament in the hospital every week.
• That you can make friends anywhere (even in a hospital).
• That all the stuff I worried about before going into the hospital really didn't matter that much after all.
• There is nothing like being at home with nowhere to go (and no desire to go anywhere).
• I love feeling like my family is whole.

3/21

3/24

3/26
3/27
4/1

I'm goin' home....

It's a DATE!

After 3 wonderful weeks at home I readmitted to the hospital. I wasn't the most compliant patient this time. I had gone in for my weekly doctors appointment and was told that I needed to admit to the hospital. I think I shocked the doctor when I declined. She kind of looked at me with a blank look on her face not knowing what to say next. She finally said that she couldn't force me to stay and sent me off for testing. So, off I went for my twice weekly non-stress test. That's when the "mom guilt" settled in... ugh. I recanted my earlier statements and willfully admitted to the hospital.

The light at the end of the tunnel...
My doctor knowing that I was struggling with the uncertainty of this entire pregnancy finally set a birth date for baby! So pending any further complications, baby boy Miller is scheduled to arrive on March 31st! Just having a plan had me jumping up and down (in my head of course). Oh happy day!!!

2 weeks from today.

Where's Waldo... I mean Heather?

That's kind of what I feel like lately... Waldo.
One minute I'm at the hospital and the next minute I'm home... and back and forth. I don't blame you at all if you are completely confused!

So, the last time I admitted I was told that I would have to stay until the baby comes... 7-8 weeks. I got all settled in... had friends help me set up my room to make it as "homey" as possible. I was just beginning to get to a point where I was sleeping through the night and surprise... plans change.(Kayla took this picture in the hospital)

The weekend before Valentines was a rough one. It was becoming clear to me that my family was majorly stressed out by everything. The girls were calling me crying, Brad was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I was trying my best to manage everything from the hospital. So not an easy thing to do. I spent the weekend crying, stressed out and just praying that the Lord would somehow help me fix it all.
Tuesday afternoon (Feb. 15th) my doctor came in and told me I could go home. On one hand I was elated and on the other hand I was terrified. Why the sudden change??? I may have been the first patient who has ever argued with the doctor about his decision. He just said he felt like it was the best thing for me and the baby. He reassured me that I would be okay and I was only 5 minutes away if I needed to come back. Ummmm okay... confused anyone!? So, I surprised Brad with a phone call to come pick me up, and home we went.

Still nervous about the doctors decision, I asked my dad to give me a blessing. Faith..... I need to have faith in the doctor's decisions and in the Lord that He will take care of the baby and me. Well, talk about being put in your place! All joking aside it was exactly what I needed to hear, and most definitely the counsel I needed to follow. Being sent home was definitely the answer to my prayers.(Kayla took this after I came home... birthday picture)

I've been home 11 days and just passed the 31 week mark. Yay! Knowing that the baby will be here before the end of March makes everything seem more manageable. I most likely will admit one more time before the baby comes, but there is also a great possibility that I will be home until that time arrives.... we'll just wait and see.
I came home just in time to celebrate my birthday... maybe that's why the doctor let me go home. :)

(Cupcakes from my birthday party in bed... yum!)

Room 214

This is my new and permanent residence for the next 7 weeks.... room 214.
January 30th marks the day... the day I woke up and everthing for the next few months changed. My memories of that morning are a little fuzzy now, but the jist of it is this... I woke up around 6 a.m. to use the bathroom for the hundredth time and thought my water had broken. If you've had a baby, you probably know what that feels like. It was still dark out and I was wearing black pjs, so it wasn't until I reached the light of the bathroom that I realized the trail following me from the bedroom... it wasn't water lets just say. I woke Brad and we quickly drove to the ER. That drive was the longest 6 minutes of my life to date. Believe it or not I never really went into panic mode... I cried a little, but overall I was overcome with the feeling that everything would be okay. I was just grateful to be at the hospital.
I spent about 14 hours in labor and delivery. Monitors, steroid shots to srenghten the baby's lungs, magnesium to protect his little developing brain, 2 IVs, and blood draw after blood draw... it wasn't exactly a pleasant day. I spent the entire day thinking that I might end up with a tiny, little premature baby at any moment. Worried doesn't describe what I felt. Thankfully I spent the week in the hospital with no further complications.
The prospect of going home sounded really nice since at the time I was only 27 weeks along and the thought of finishing another 10 weeks of bed rest in the hospital didn't sound like much fun. After an uneventful week I was sent home. I made a stupid joke as I was discharged from the hospital... "even if I just get to go home for a couple of days I will be happy"... crap, why did I have to say that outloud???????
After 48 hours at home... I returned... knowing full well that if I returned I would spend the rest of the pregnancy here. Ugh...
All things in perspective this is the safest place for both baby and me... so I think I'll just suck it up. :) Placenta previa is a frustrating thing... some women have it and never have any complications, while other women have it and struggle no matter how closely they follow the rules. It's also frustrating to be hooked up to monitors and watch a completely healthy baby develop while my body reacts to the stress of the previa. The previa never causes any sort of stress on the baby (thankfully)... it's like he has no idea any of this is going on. I hope my body cooperates. The thought of the baby having to come early just because my body is freaking out leaves me feeling a little helpless...
I am optimistic though. I've got great support from family and friends, and an entire team of doctors watching over us. Each and everyday that passes is a blessing.
Now that I'm all wired in at the hospital I'll keep you posted. yay.

Thanks for all your love and prayers,
Heather and Baby Boy Miller

posting belly pictures soon... I promise!