2 weeks down... 2 more to go...

The past two weeks have been full of enlightenment and soul searching. 2 weeks down and 2 more to go... that's how we're getting through this. In little manageable chunks. Just think, the baby is now 2 weeks healthier, 2 weeks older, 2 weeks closer to being born safely and healthy. This makes me VERY happy. I'm actually beginning to think that maybe I can do this. I can do this...

I didn't get to this point without my lows though. I'll be honest. This new challenge has been exactly that, a challenge. 2 weeks of crying and nervous, sleepless nights. 2 weeks full anxiety. 2 weeks of irritability and depression. And 2 weeks of remembering how strong I'm really capable of being. I learned a whole lot about myself over a 2 week period and I'm guessing I'll continue to learn a lot more, so... bring it on!

I spent the day today with my mother-in-law and came to the discovery that this whole experience is a gift. The gift of time. I have been desperately searching for time... time at home, time with my girls, time with Brad, time with friends, time by myself... you get the picture. Well, the Lord gave me this... He gave me time, and LOTS of it. And rather than focus on all that I can't do with my time right now I need to look at what I can do with my time and make the most of it.

My favorite moments...

• Lying still in a completely quiet house and feeling my very active little boy move and squirm and wiggle. At times I swear there is an entire soccer team in there.
• Watching my sweet daughter Cammy paint the kitchen cabinets simply because she knew it was driving me crazy to look at how ugly they were every day.
• Spending hours talking to my mother-in-law and realizing that I DO have a mom.
• Kayla cuddling with my belly every time she sees me.
• Being inundated with friend after friend calling, coming over, making me feel normal... I really do have a wonderful group of friends that I can count on at any time for anything.
• Watching everything in the house getting done without me lifting a finger. I might be able to get used to this.

I can do this...

Change of Plans...

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to plan for things. Part of the fun in getting to the end are the plans I get to make along the way. Brad loves to just take things day by day... I'm not going to lie... that is a bit of a struggle for me. Well, it seems the boys in my life are going to teach me how to overcome this struggle. Christmas break was great! I spent 3 weeks at home cleaning, organizing, planning for the upcoming months... As I was to find out a few days ago, I may have gotten a little ahead of myself. Plans change..........

Isn't he perfect!!! I love his little profile... he has the cutest little nose!

Seeing this little guy makes any changes to my plans completely worth it.
So, a rough weekend brought a visit to the doctor on Monday. I had an ultrasound about 6 weeks ago where I was diagnosed with a possible placenta previa. The doctor reassured me then that it very well could change over the next few months as things progress and won't be anything to worry about at all. I didn't give it too much thought and just "planned" that this would change and the pregnancy would go ahead as normal. The visit to the doctor this past Monday revealed that it in fact hasn't changed (in the way I had planned anyway)... in fact things have gotten a little more complicated.

Details: Placenta previa happens when the placenta attaches to the cervix as well as the wall of the uterus. Not so much a big deal until you go into labor and the cervix starts dilating. When the cervix begins to dilate, the placenta has nothing to attach to... and without getting too detailed, it's not good. So, the goal is to keep me from going into labor. This also means that I get to have a c-section. Because the placenta is covering the cervix it would have to be delivered before the baby, which is completely impossible... and again, without getting too detailed, is not good. Needless to say, a c-section is inevitable. I'm not too sure I like the thought of planning for a c-section. If there is one thing I would choose not to plan for, it would be this. Having months to think about it is pushing my nerves over the edge. After experiencing labor with my 3 daughters, I'm sad that I won't get to experience that (I can't believe I just said that either). I'm even more sad that Brad won't get to experience that. All things in perspective though... having my son arrive healthy and safe is all that truly matters.

The wrench: I started having contractions over the weekend. Yay (apologies for the sarcasm).

The plan: Making it to 36 weeks (April 1st rather than April 28th). The best possible way of this happening... bed rest. 21 hours a day of bed rest. 21 hours a day for the next 13 weeks. No cleaning (boo), no grocery shopping, no working out (no yoga), nothing strenuous... ugh. I've been given permission to go to school for 2 hours each day. Let's just say, this is the first semester that I am looking forward to having homework... looking forward to having something to do with my 21 hours other than sleeping. :)

The new plans: Sending my cute husband to the library with a list of books and magazines to check out. Catching up on photo albums, writing, blogs, getting creative with my new circumstances... I'm sure I'll come up with something.

Worries: Resisting the temptation to clean.... it's kind of hard being home all day and having to pretend that nothing needs to be done. Letting go.... letting other people do what I can't do at the moment. Avoiding depression.... if only my daughters or my husband could stay home and keep me company. Not having my mom around to talk to and help with things makes me even more sad... sigh...

Perspective: It's only for 3 months. And at the end of those 3 months I'll get to hold my little boy. There are blessings to be had when plans change......

Conversations with a 9 year old...

Mom: Krystian, you need to eat ALL of your breakfast.
Krystian: Ya you're right... Mom, I was looking at my feet the other day and thinking that I needed to gain a little weight because my feet are SO skinny.

Krystian: You know what mom. I'm really pretty and don't need to wear any make-up. I'm so lucky!
Mom: Yes Krystian, you are very pretty... (I wrote this one down as proof... so when she comes to me in 5 years and asks me to buy her some make-up I can remind her of why she doesn't need any).

Krystian: Oh my gosh mom you will never guess what happened at school today... Mrs. Hannah gave us new seating assignments and put me across from Nate. Oh my gosh... Nate is SO seriously cute mom! I can't take it though because every time he talks, I'm "forced" to look at him because he's right across from me. I DON'T want to look at him because he's so cute... it makes me crazy! Ugh.....
After reading this post...
Krystian: Mom, you need to erase this... I can't believe you! Moooooommmmmm..........
I hope Cammy never reads this. Oh and Brad. No mom, noooooo.... stop typing everything I'm saying. :)

It ended with lots of giggles and hugs and kisses......
Krystian: Mom, you're kind of kookoo....

Dogs and Cats....

A friend (who teaches junior high) told me about this story below and I couldn't help but share it. All I can say is that I'm looking forward to getting my dogs back!

You parents will relate to this and I can tell you from personal experience that every word is true! (sorry, I'm not sure who the author of this is....)

"I just realized that while children are dogs - loyal and affectionate - teenagers are cats. It's so easy to be a dog owner. You feed it, train it, boss it around. It puts it's head on your knee and gazes at you as if you were a Rembrandt painting. It bounds indoors with enthusiasm when you call it.

Then around age 13, your adoring little puppy turns into a big old cat. When you tell it to come inside, it looks amazed, as if wondering who died and made you emperor. Instead of dogging your doorsteps, it disappears. You won't see it again until it gets hungry -- then it pauses on its sprint through the kitchen long enough to turn its nose up at whatever you're serving. When you reach out to ruffle its head, in that old affectionate gesture, it twists away from you, then gives you a blank stare, as if trying to remember where it has seen you before.

You, not realizing that the dog is now a cat, think something must be desperately wrong with it. It seems so antisocial, so distant, sort of depressed. It won't go on family outings. Since you're the one who raised it, taught it to fetch and stay and sit on command, you assume that you did something wrong. Flooded with guilt and fear, you redouble your efforts to make your pet behave.

Only now you're dealing with a cat, so everything that worked before now produces the opposite of the desired result. Call it, and it runs away. Tell
it to sit, and it jumps on the counter. The more you go toward it, wringing your hands, the more it moves away.

Instead of continuing to act like a dog owner, you can learn to behave like a cat owner. Put a dish of food near the door, and let it come to you. But
remember that a cat needs your help and your affection too. Sit still, and it will come, seeking that warm, comforting lap it has not entirely forgotten. Be there to open the door for it.

One day your grown-up child will walk into the kitchen, give you a big kiss and say, "You've been on your feet all day. Let me get those dishes for you."

Then you'll realize your cat is a dog again."

This post is dedicated to my dogs, I mean cats....I Love You!

drum roll please...

The Millers are having a...
BOY!!!

Yes, we are adding a little testosterone to the mix. Brad is very happy about this!

I can't tell you how excited I am to venture off on this new journey. Every one of my friends (and sis-in-laws) who have both sons and daughters say there is nothing like raising a son and this is something I am super excited to experience myself. I love all 3 of my daughters so much, but the thought of raising a son sparks a realm of emotions.

1. I am sooooo nervous... probably because after 3 girls I pretty much know what to expect with a girl... boys are soooooo different. I hope I figure it out okay!
2. I've watched my brother and his amazing wife raise 3 sons and I am so excited to have that relationship with my child that my sis-in-law has with her sons.
3. I got to hold my 2 month old nephew at the temple sealing of my brother and his family the other day... there was just something about that experience that melted my heart. I can't wait to hold my sweet little boy.
4. I am experiencing all of this with an amazing, incredible, and very excited husband... I love him so much and am so excited to share this entire experience with him and watch as he becomes a daddy.

So, everyone in the Miller home is over-the-top excited about the baby boy that will be joining our family sometime late April. My daughters have always wanted a brother... this little boy is one lucky little guy... he will have 4 moms and a dad. There will be no shortage of love, kisses, holding and cuddling.