Well and Healthy... or not.

So, a lot of you have been asking for an update on me... the mom of the bunch!
I think I may have forgotten what it feels like to be the normal healthy me. I'm definitely not as sick as I was when I first got sick back in April, but as I was talking to a friend the other day about all of this, I realized that I'm so used to feeling this way that I don't really remember what I felt like before.
The illness is definitely making its way back into my life. I woke up a couple of days ago and had a really hard time getting out of bed... The tremors and dizziness are back too, which is just more annoying than anything serious. I think what I notice the most is the constant pain and weakness in my arm and legs. I'm managing it all the best I can. I've found that as long as I work through the pain rather than staying in bed... the better I do in the long run.
So, what's in store? As promised, I plan to return to the neurologist before the end of summer. I'm letting him run ONE more test... the lumbar puncture (aka: spinal tap). I can't decided which version sounds better... they both give me the creeps!!! Apparently it's painless (unless they hit a nerve)...

Well and healthy, or not... sometimes you just do the best you can and make the best of less than desirable conditions. :)

Can you say...

...Autoimmune Disease?
If you're sitting in a doctors office and the doctor is looking at you with a blank look on his face... you may have an autoimmune disease.
If your symptoms are all over the place and don't make any sense to anyone (even the doctor)... you may have an autoimmune disease.
If you've had close to 20 labs drawn in a month and they still don't know what's wrong with you... you may have an autoimmune disease.
If you've ever sat in a doctors office and told the doctor that you'll pay him when he can tell you what's wrong with you... you may have an autoimmune disease.
If you've ever wondered if the doctor just made up some fancy word and called it a diagnosis... you definitely have an autoimmune disease.

So, after several months of playing the medical mystery game, I chose to "take a break". I just couldn't justify seeing another doctor and running yet another test.
So, originally the doctors thought that maybe my back was the culprit, but now they're saying that there is no way that my back is the cause of everything. Um ya... that's the very question I asked 2 months ago... So, the mystery continues.
The doctors are saying that I have an autoimmune disease. The trick is... there are so many diseases that fall into that category that I could have test after test run and still not have a definite answer any time soon.
Basically an autoimmune disease starts out with a virus. Your body sets out to destroy the virus but doesn't know that the virus has been killed, so your own antibodies keep attacking... since there is no virus to kill, the antibodies attack the healthy tissue in your body. This would explain why I have described the feeling over and over again as my body feeling like it's under attack. Fun times!
The symptoms seem to come and go... in fact there are days when I wake up and feel like I had never been sick at all. So, I have decided to take the summer off. I just want to enjoy my girls and my family, relax and de-stress. My plans are to either diagnose myself (haha)... if that doesn't work, I'll see a doctor in the fall... maybe.

If you're sick of being sick... you may have an autoimmune disease!

Letting go...

So with the recent streak of unknown health issues, I finally gave in and "let" my bishop release me from yw's camp director. I'm not going to lie... I'm completely broken hearted!!!
It may seem silly, but choosing to plan girls camp over my health was a no brainer for me... (choose camp!)... my bishop thought otherwise and in all honesty I knew it was the right thing to do. I will definitely miss being there with "my girls" this year... I love them all so much!

When I was released from the yw's presidency last fall it was soooooo hard. Funny thing was when my bishop released me then he said to me that it was time for me to start dating and he wanted me to have Sundays free to go to the singles ward if I chose to (that was the last thing I felt like doing!)... a few months later I met Brad who happened to attend the singles ward (although we didn't meet at church) that my friend and I were attending once a month. Anyway, shortly after meeting Brad, I was called to serve in yw's again... go figure... :)

I still have mixed emotions... I truly love those girls and want to be there with them so badly, but I can't deny that this is just how it's suppose to be for now.
Letting go isn't always an easy thing to do...

Waiting.... patiently....

After 5 weeks of being told so many different things, I took matters into my own hands!
I've had 3 different doctors now tell me that I need to see a neurologist... apparently getting an appointment with a neurologist is not an easy thing to do around here. The average appointment was 2~3 months out. I consider myself a patient person.... but personally.... that's a little more patience than I (or anyone) can deal with!

Long story short... I admitted myself to the ER at St. Mark's on Monday and told the doctor that I wasn't leaving without seeing a neurologist and getting an MRI. The ER doctor (Dr. Paradise... hmmmm... I just like saying his name) took me seriously... and the entire staff there took VERY, very good care of me! I was there for about 6 hours... they ran blood tests, did 2 more CT scans, set up an MRI and got me an appointment with a neurologist next Tuesday. Oh, and he's also sending me to an ENT to see why I'm still having vertigo 6 weeks later. All in all I finally feel like I can breathe because I feel like I'm actually getting somewhere. I talked to my dad last night and he told me that this was the first time in weeks where I am actually starting to sound like myself again... I think that not only am I feeling physically drained, but waiting and waiting has drained me mentally and emotionally as well.

There is light on the horizon.... I had the MRI yesterday and the results came back in my favor! Of course I'm very grateful that all of the tests so far have been clean... but then again we still have no idea what is wrong! I'm suppose to follow up with the neurologist next week and I guess we'll just keep going from there... please tell me I'm not crazy and this isn't all just in my head! (no pun intended... seriously!) :)

Thanks to all of you for your love and prayers!!!

Good News???

I thought I'd begin this next entry with some very appropriate words from a favorite song of mine...

Will you fly to me tonight
And bring me your peace
And with your love, lift me up
With healing in your wings
I'm longing for your strength
And rest to my soul
Feeling you near
Offers me hope

********

The entire month of April has been consumed with some random, unexplained illness. Infection? Virus? Serious? Worrisome? Nothing? Honestly, it has left me feeling completely wiped out and feeling less and less like myself everyday. So after a long sleepless night last night, I have decided that the only thing I can do is return to normal life as much as possible regardless of whether I feel "okay" or not. I feel so much better having made that decision and I've realized that sometimes the answers and explanations don't come immediately or even in a "timely fashion".
Yesterday was tough. I went back to the doctor... I was completely unprepared for what he was going to say. I had an appointment at 2:20 and by 5 that evening I had gone from a follow-up doctor appointment to being admitted to the hospital for a CT scan of the brain... thankfully the doctors were able to get me the results right away rather than making me wait and worry the entire weekend! The results came back clean... no brain cancer. hmmmm.... that's comforting! :)
So, now I've gone from infection, to virus, to something neurological. My doctor sent me for the scan because I'm having a hard time getting the right side of my body to work. My arm is really weak and my hand tremors for no apparent reason, and my leg is painfully stiff and pretty weak as well.
So... we are just going to play the "wait and see" game. I'm not necessarily happy about that... I want an answer now... who wouldn't!?

Anyway, my dad put it this way... Doctors work in what we call a "practice". Regardless of how long they've been a doctor, they are still "practicing" medicine. Not every patient or illness is the same, so not every diagnosis is black and white. The doctor will eventually find out what's wrong... it may just take some time.
So not the answer I wanted!!! :) Why do dads always know exactly what to say???

The health update...

So, after a second trip to the doctor (this time I saw my parent's family physician)... I do not have a bacterial infection, but a virus. Labyrinthitis to be exact. Because it's a virus, it can't be cured with medication, so I just have to wait it out. The virus can last anywhere from a week and a half to three weeks. I am at 2 weeks and very ready to be over this.
Labyrinthitis attacks the inner ear, which affects balance and causes vertigo. The virus has also attacked my facial nerve endings causing a mild form of Bell's Palsy. The right side of my face is numb, kind of like I've just been to the dentist and had that side of my mouth numbed... it's more of a discomfort than anything serious. Bell's Palsy is temporary and usually clears up on its own within one to two months... (yeah me!).
I'm being hopeful... the doctor gave me Cortisone/Prednisone shots to ease the pain while I wait out the virus. If I'm not feeling 100 percent better in a week, then we are moving on to blood work and an MRI... let's hope I'm feeling better in a week!!! :)
No worries though... I'm looking forward to feeling completely healthy again! The doctor was very positive.

I really am so grateful for all of you... countless people have just gone out of their way to help me either emotionally, physically or mentally. I really do LOVE you all!!!

Diagnosis: VeRtiGo

If you don't know what vertigo is and have never had it before.... I pray you NEVER have to find out! I'm a relatively healthy person, so when I woke up to the room spinning out of control last Monday morning I was soooooo scared! Feeling like you are on a roller coaster ride that you can't get off of is pretty terrifying. Eyes open or shut, the room just kept spinning which of course lead to motion sickness. Trying to walk was "interesting"... my equilibrium was completely out of whack, so I would just tip over when I stood up. I literally laid in bed for 6 days.
After 2 days in bed and a long talk with my dad (he's a retired paramedic and worked in the ER for years... so I trust his judgement), I gave in and went to the doctor. Honestly I don't know what was scarier... the tone in my dads voice when he told me to go the doctor immediately or the look on the doctors face when he told me how lucky I was that I came in when I did. I have never been to the doctor for anything even remotely serious, so I guess I didn't understand the urgency of it all until the doctors face turned from pleasant to concerned.
As of right now the doctors think my vertigo happened because fluid had somehow collected behind both of my eardrums and an infection had begun.
I'm not out of the woods yet either. After a week of antibiotics and medication overload, my head is still pretty cloudy, the dizziness continues, I have a headache that won't subside and my ears, neck, jaw, shoulders and arms are still very sore.
Lesson learned: if things don't feel right with your body... listen to your body and GO TO THE DOCTOR!!! Don't wait for it to get better all on it's own, because sometimes it just won't!

Anyway, I just want to thank ALL of the friends who came to my rescue. Unfortunately this all happened over spring break and my girls were stuck at home with a mom who couldn't really do anything or go anywhere... so thank you all soooooo much! I just really wanted to thank my sis-in-law Liz for entertaining my little missy, Steph for taking my girls to the Easter egg hunt, my step-mom Nette for doing my laundry, and all of the countless friends who sent well wishes. I really don't know what I would have done without you!!!
I just feel so blessed and so loved! I really have the most incredible friends and family!!!

A little prayer for mom...

Monday morning the alarm went off and as I rolled over to shut it off the room started spinning and wouldn't stop. I thought maybe I was having some sort of nightmare or something, but no, it was all too real. I vaguely remember sending my girls out the door and off to school. I drifted in and out of sleep for most of the day... and when I was thinking clearly, realized that this was anything but normal and wondered if maybe, just maybe, I should go to the doctor.
Later that afternoon I hear my girls return home from school. The only thing I remember is Krystian kneeling on the bed next to me rubbing my forehead with her little hand. Then I hear her say, "Dear Heavenly Father, please help my mommy get better. She's really sick and she needs to get better so she can go to work and go to the store and take care of us. She's such a nice mommy and I love her, so please make her better. (then she leans over and says mommy, I need help with the ending... what do I say again?) in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen"
She then hopped up and went running off to play.
I'm such a lucky mom!