the joy in the journey…

Change is inevitable.  Change is sometimes hard.  I do my best to view change as a good thing... without change there would be no progression.  True change is difficult, but there is no way to know what life has planned for you without change.  My friend Kristi posted this great quote about change in the comments of my last post and I thought I'd share it because it is simply AMAZING!

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another."
- Anatole France


I love that last part "...we must die to one life before we can enter another".  That is exactly where I'm at... the crossroad where one life is ending and another is beginning.  And as I'm discovering, I'm facing this more and more as time goes on.

Big change #1 A little less than 2 years ago my life as a single mother was coming to an end.  Blessings and much happiness came from those years of my life.  While those years were tough, it really was a transition to leave that life behind because I truly was leaving a piece of me in the past.  Was this a good change... YES!  Was the change hard to make... oddly enough, yes.  It wasn't just a change for myself.  It was a change for my girls too, and a big one at that!  It's funny that years later I'm still adapting.  I was incredibly independent as a single mommy and find that I need to remind myself often that I now have Brad and don't have to do everything on my own anymore.  It's a work in progress, but I am SO grateful for my sweet husband and his never-ending patience with me. (:

Big change #2 was something I thought I wouldn't have to face for another year... high school graduation.  I attended my youngest brother's high school graduation a few weeks ago.  I didn't expect to experience all of the emotions that came with it!  I look at my beautiful daughter and can't believe that she will graduate from high school in a year!!!  I sat there sobbing at my little brother's graduation for two reasons... 1, I'm happy for him and all the excitement that is coming his way.  And 2, I'm not ready for the changes that are coming with my oldest daughter growing up, graduating and heading off to college.  True, we've been talking about the future and college for quite sometime now, but I guess sitting at this graduation it finally hit me that these changes are coming and they are coming soon, very soon.  I am so in love with this "little" girl and I'm so excited for her future, but am definitely experiencing some melancholy in the process.

Big change #3  Starting the world of mommy-hood all over again from the beginning.  With a 10 year span between K and Z came a variety of change.  Sleep... I don't really remember what that is.  While Zach is a good little sleeper, I forgot what it was like to lose the freedom of an afternoon catnap; and while I would love to sleep in later than 7 a.m. on the weekends, this little boy sees nothing wrong with waking up with the sun.  I had also forgotten the ease that came with older children... something that used to take an hour to accomplish now takes at least 2.  If I needed to run an errand, I did.  Now I either enlist a big sister to babysit or I tow this little boy around with me everywhere... everywhere... all the time.  He's really such a trooper!  Again, the change has come and I'm rolling with the punches, but sometimes those changes are full of learning curves and bumps in the road.  I've discovered that with change comes a lot of JOY!  I love this little boy more than anything {he ranks right up there with his sisters and Brad} and he makes me so happy.  
I would be lying if I didn't admit that there are days when I long to spend time with the old me, or to pack up Kayla's backpack for her and send her off to first grade again... oh, and to maybe take a nap, but with change happening everyday lately I'm reminded how quickly it comes... before I know it I'll be writing about being an empty nester. (:


So many changes in sight... so much excitement.  I may shed a few tears along the way {sniffle, sniffle}, but I will enjoy my journey none the less. 

Here’s to the joy in the journey…

the best friend...

Every girl needs a best friend.  You know, that one person you can talk to about anything and everything.  That one person you can count on to give you good, honest advice, and love you for all your craziness and flaws.  Every girl needs another girl to talk to.  Every girl needs the listening ear of a good friend and the good advice that only another woman can give sometimes.

I've known my best friend for... well, years.  We met when we were both living the single mom life.  Our lives had such similar paths... we lived directly across the way from each other, we drove the same car, our dads are both identical twins {with names that rhyme no less... Dee and Lee and Brent and Kent}, we spent our childhood days just streets away from each other and had no idea {michigan and yale}, not only were we both single moms when we met but we were both in school {law school for her, design school for me}, we both are super independent, a little stubborn at times, we both have peacemaker type personalities {but you don't want to push either of us too far}, are big time over achievers, love with everything we have, and are a little too forgiving for our own good sometimes.

I love her because I can tell her about all of the stupid things I do and she won't judge me {probably because she's done them too}.
I love her because I can vent to her and she just listens.
I love her because she can tell me the truth without hurting my feelings.
I love her because she lets me be me around her all the time.
I love her because I don't have to clean my house when she comes over... and she doesn't think any less of me for it.
I love her because I don't have to get dressed up to hang out with her.
I love that she encourages me to keep going when I want to quit.
I love her because she understands me better than I understand myself sometimes.

I didn't grow up with sisters, but I will say the Lord has blessed me with several sister like friendships throughout my life.  I am SO lucky!  I honestly don't know what I'd do without all of my girl friends.

Recently my best friend and I got together for "girl time"... I love this time with her.  In fact I look forward to getting together with her every month.  I can always count on feeling uplifted and ready to conquer the world {or my little corner of it} after we get together.  This last time we got together we talked about... me.  Ugh... I don't typically like talking strictly about myself, but felt like I needed her help in ridding myself of this black cloud that's been following me.  In talking to her I realized that I've been consumed with change after change after change lately.  A new baby, a new house, a new community, being a stay at home mom, leaving school for a while, leaving my career for a while... in essence, I've left behind the life I knew so well and was comfortable with.  My life was full of routine and normalcy and much of it was very fulfilling.  I think if it had only been one or two of those things, I wouldn't have struggled so much, but all of those things together at once have been a recipe for the blues.  

It felt so good to have her reassurance that time will make things feel normal again.  That time will bring new friendships, new experiences, new prospects, new memories and new celebrations.  Time will bring a feeling of being settled once again.

I can always count on her to give me the encouragement, the hug, the motivation, and sometimes the push {or kick} I need.  I can always count on my best friend...

timing is everything sometimes...

BYU Women's Conference was absolutely amazing this year!  And it came at the perfect time as well...
I'm anxiously waiting for transcripts to be available so I can re-read some of my favorite talks. {as a side note, it's well worth a visit to the site to check out past conference archives}

I think what I love the most about Women's Conference is the idea that over 15,000 women from all over the world come together in one common purpose.  That many women singing As Sisters in Zion is an experience like no other.  It's truly an awe inspiring moment! 
I really needed WC this year.  The timing couldn't have been more perfect for me.  It didn't take long for me to realize that the Lord really knows what I'm in need of hearing.  The very first speaker addressed 2 major things that had been weighing heavily on my mind for some time.

The first was the statement that children want a strong mother.  They want a mother that sets standards for them and sticks to it... without waffling.  Ugh... I can be a big waffler at times.  Resisting the urge to waffle is harder than it sounds.  It's even harder when the teenagers band together and gang up on me {this is when I waffle the most}.  It was slightly comforting hearing several thousand women start chuckling.  I'm not the only occasional waffler apparently! 
Being a parent is hard... being a good parent is even harder sometimes!  So, armed with new courage I came home and held a family meeting.  For as long as I can remember I've always had rules in our home about which television programs were okay to watch.  Before things got out of control and busy ( with the move and a new baby) I was very clear about what was and wasn't okay to watch.  Admittedly I had let things slip through the cracks over the past few months, and in all honesty I had waffled along the way quite a lot.  I geared up for my moment to prove I could set rules for my family and not waffle.  I explained to my older daughters that even though a tv rating says they are old enough to watch a certain program doesn't mean the program fits into the design of the lifestyle we are choosing to live in our home.  I openly explained that some shows bring a feeling into our home that I don't want in my home.  I know I can't protect them from what they are exposed to outside of our home, but it's completely my responsibility to be the good mom I know I am and protect them while they are at home!  Our home is supposed to be a safe haven from the world and certain programs leave my home feeling more like the world than I wanted.  I honestly was a little afraid of the reaction I was going to get from them, but surprisingly they agreed to follow the rules without an argument.  Oh my... could the speaker have been right about children WANTING mothers who set standards and stick to it?  I know it may seem a little trivial making a big deal about a few programs on tv, but I wanted to show my family (and mostly myself) that I can set standards and stick to it.  It has been well worth it... the feeling in our home has changed enough that both of my older girls have commented on the difference.  That truly was one of those happy mom moments.

The second was a statement about judging and grudging... and how as women we should support each other and work together to strengthen our homes and families rather than work against each other by judging and holding grudges.  Having just had a personal experience where I was the one being judged by another, this shook me up a little.  This has been quite a difficult experience for me honestly.  It's tough knowing that someone you are close to has been making judgments about you and thinking rather unkind things.  When you are the peacemaker type personality, my first reaction is to make things peaceful and happy... but I don't want to put myself in the position to be hurt the same way again.  This talk helped to change my view though.  The speaker helped me process the reality that as a woman and a mother it's completely okay to surround myself and my family with women who are uplifting, supportive and compassionate, and to forgive and let go of those who can't be that for me.  I learned that it doesn't make me a bad person for letting go of people who don't support me in being the best me that I can possibly be.  I can forgive without having to be close to this person anymore, and that's okay.  It's also okay to LOVE from afar for a while.  We don't always know the reason behind the actions of others... it's possible that a personal struggle in their life is unfairly being projected onto you, putting you (or me) in the crossfire.  You just never know.  {Apologies for the personal post}

The timing of WC was perfect.  These past 2 weeks since the conference have been a rejuvenating process for me and I am amazed at how quickly the rebuilding and repairing has been.  It's been enlightening.  As a creative person stress seems to have a huge impact in so many areas of my life sometimes.  When I'm stressed and have a lot on my mind, the creativity just doesn't seem to flow like it should.  I'm grateful that I'm beginning to feel like my creative self again.  The timing couldn't have been more perfect.  Maybe this will lead to an upcoming post involving creativity somehow.  Sigh......

Girls Night...

Over nighters in Park City, shopping cart races at Target, finding (and riding) random zip lines in the mountains, hours (and I do mean hours) of laughing, and all out "good times"... this is what girlfriends are all about!

Nothing is more rejuvenating and uplifting than a good group of girlfriends!

Stephanie, Linda, Me and Shelley...

The "cheerleader" pose...

Um... I'm not sure what was happening here, or whose idea that was, but eeewwww!

So, this last girls night was a "get our unfinished projects done" night... we went out to dinner, then hit the craft store... then helped each other finish up the unfinished projects we've all been meaning to finish for months. I'm not so sure that we should have been "crafting" until 2 in the morning... things got a little out of control!!!

We mod podged paper on wood frames for Linda's family room...

Shelley made personalized magnet boards for her girls...

And Steph... well, Steph clung to her Sobe all night while I just took pictures of all the craziness and made the magnets for Shelley's boards!!!

Can't wait for next month!!!

vegas... Vegas... VEGAS...

My partners and I attended the Design Market in Las Vegas a few weeks ago. So much to see... so little time...
4 fun~loving designers + product overload + Las Vegas =
1 incredibly fun~filled, exhausting week!!!
All in all it was a very exciting and productive week. We worked hard, took a lot of photos... and had a tun of fun!
Business or pleasure... you decide!!!
*disclaimer: what happens in Vegas, doesn't always stay in Vegas...

Taking a break at the market...

Market wouldn't be market without the shimmering sofa and accessories...

Out for dinner on the strip at New York's Chin Chin restaurant (aka: really, really bad Chinese food)

Katie, me, Tracy and BarbaraMe likee rug... me want rug for my dining room!!!

Taking a ride on the double decker bus with an incredibly crazy bus driver... there was a point where we seriously feared for our lives!

Tracy laughing at me as I "rock out" to the counrty music blarring on the tour bus sound system... yes, I may have been a tad tired at this point!!! By the end of the ride we were laughing so hard that we were all crying!

Tracy and Katie... our night out on the Las Vegas "strip"...
Okay, okay... so let me explain... 1 very loopy girl + 1 upholstered velour headboard = hours of fun making "impressions" on said headboard! Thank you Tracy for capturing the moment... and my guess is, the butt print is still there???Katie and I waiting and waiting at the LV airport... completely exhausted and very ready to go HOME!!!
We had such a great time. I've decided however that Vegas is best in small (make that, very small) doses!

Halloween...

Oh I so wish I had something incredibly exciting to say about Halloween...

Actually this is the first year EVER that I haven't spent Halloween with my girls. No trick-or-treating, no making costumes, ... none of it! I'm not going to lie... not having to stand in the freezing cold, pretending to be a pack-mule as I carry everyones bags was rather relaxing! I also missed out on the mother load of Halloween candy that usually makes it way into my house with my girls... my hips are ever so grateful! :)

I do have to say though that I missed my girls. I went out with some friends to "play", but it was short lived... all I wanted to do was be at home cuddled up watching Young Frankenstein sipping a chai tea... so that's exactly what I did. Aaaahhhh ~ Good times!!!

Anyway, here are some of my favorite pics from all of the festivities... enjoy!

My baby girls... getting ready to go trick-or-treating!

Beautiful Cammy the geisha girl...
Cammy and her best friends Zarina and Alecea... 5th grade classroom party.
Krystian the "mean" witch... seriously, don't tell her she looks cute, and definately don't tell her she looks like a "nice" witch... she was very insistent on being "mean".

Honestly she's too darn cute to be mean!

Krystian getting all "wrapped up" in the mummy game. 1st grade classroom party.

My "Minnie", my beautiful 13 year old Kayla that wasn't too old to dress up!!! Happy day!!!

Fall Fun...

An afternoon spent at Thanksgiving Point...

Haunted hayrides, pumpkin patches and a corn maze shaped like David Archuleta (Cammy was so excited)... the weather was perfect for a fun little fall outing!

If Krystian could have taken home every pumpkin she would have! "Oh mom, this is the cutest little pumpkin I have ever seen... no wait... mom, this is the cutest little pumpkin I have ever seen... no wait..." (you get the picture)!

Getting lost in the corn maze... but not for long!

My sweet baby girls... Kayla is MIA... she chose to go to the mall with her friends instead... yes, I should have expected that from a teenager!!! Cammy was quite the navigator... she got us out of this thing in about 12 minutes! So worth the $15 a person! hehe...

Mom and Krystian on a haunted hayride...

Hiking, Hiking and more... yep you guessed it Hiking!

Now that fall is just around the corner, the girls and I have been heading out into the moutains for some fun filled hiking... it has been so nice to just get out of the valley!

Krystian and I went hiking with one of my good friends up to Twin Lakes, just above Brighton ski resort. The hike was a short 1 mile hike... straight up the mountain! I wish I were kidding, but no, straight up is an accurate description! Krystian was practically running up the trail the entire time... she kept telling me to go faster! Little did she know, I was about to pass out at any moment! :)

The girls and I also went up to Silver Lake with my brother Jason and his family. My sister-in-law and I had decided to take family pictures while we were up there. Apparently we were the only ones that thought this was a good idea! We were the only ones taking it seriously anyway! Taking pictures of the kids should have been farely simple, but then I remembered that my brother was with us and taking things serisouly isn't well, his style sometimes! The kids spent more time laughing at him than smiling for the camera! You gotta love him though... he really is one funny guy... oh, and a huge goofball!

Lots and lots of pictures...